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Please feel free to browse the website of one of Scotland’s most experienced after dinner speakers.

Should you be looking for a topical and humorous after dinner speaker, a professional Master of Ceremonies, an experienced auctioneer or someone with an intimate knowledge of Robert Burns who will add knowledge and humour to your celebration of the Bard, look no further.


John McKelvie is one of the major names on the after dinner circuit. Since 1998 he has been a regular on the after dinner circuit at a variety of venues ranging from local establishments to top hotels throughout the UK.

He is a vastly accomplished and experienced speaker, host and auctioneer who has rightly earned the moniker “a man for all seasons” for his towering capacity to captivate and charm every kind of audience.

Ubiquitous John is a retired police officer whose long career with the Strathclyde Police has provided him with a vast array of humorous tales and one liners, whilst his stint as a football referee is a further source of much humour at Sportsman’s dinners.

John bases his after dinner speeches on the eventful, sometimes catastrophic, but always extremely hilarious anecdotes from his police career and sporting connections.

He has a dry Scottish wit, timing and an ability to read an audience which makes him one of the busiest UK after dinner speakers. He has a rare gift for making people laugh which is why he is a great favourite on the after-dinner circuit especially with mixed audiences.

John formerly worked Monday to Friday in the Police and refereed football on a Saturday. He really looked forward to a Sunday as this is the only day that his parentage was not openly questioned.

After Dinner Speaking

John can be relied upon to be suitable for any audience, mixed or otherwise. He is never blue and has a style which is comfortably anecdotal, incorporating humorous one liners. John is a master of mischief and character assassination however he is aware that his job is to entertain and not to offend.

As his accolades imply, his true and extremely funny sporting anecdotes allied to stories gathered from 30 years in Strathclyde Police continue to enrich and entertain the after dinner circuit, and hopefully will do so for many years to come.

Master of Ceremonies

Having worked as Master of Ceremonies at various corporate vents throughout the UK John is the consummate professional. Insisting on a detailed briefing prior to the event, his attention to detail is second to none ensuring that the evening starts and finishes on schedule. When it comes to auctioning his skills in raising monies for charities were once deemed by Gordon McHugh, CEO of Kilbryde Hospice as “robbery without violence”

Weir Pumps Ltd – Long Service Awards Dinner

“On behalf of the company I would like to thank you once again for your excellent performance. Not only was your material fresh but your humour, delivery and timing as you told a story was first class. I was more than impressed by the manner in which you included some of the “characters” in attendance in your stories minutes after meeting them over dinner. Your name has been passed to many other who also thought your performance was outstanding”

DJH Black, Human Resource Manager, Weir Pumps Ltd.

Bannockburn Rugby Club Dinner

“Just a personal note to say thank you for your funny & entertaining speech on Saturday evening. The words on the street are “articulate & precise” “ Charming & witty” through to “ultra professional”. Once again you have stamped your authority as being one of the finest in your field. Thank you.”

Steven J Traynor, Chairman, Bannockburn Rugby Club Dinner

Carlton YMCA / Accord Hospice

“What can you say about John McKelvie that hasn’t already been said? John is quiet and reserved. John is reticent. John is taciturn. John is an introvert. John is timorous. John has a hirsute cranium. Yes, all traits that never have been, and never will be said of THE speaker, making his 15th appearance for us, a man at pains never to repeat a story the one and only, Mr John McKelvie.”

John MacDonald President Carlton YMCA

Lothian & Edinburgh Amateur FA

“On behalf of the Association our sincere thanks for your most excellent contribution to our dinner last night. You had the audience in the palm of your hand as you delivered your countless stories. Those in attendance (if they made it) will have gone to their work this morning with a smile as they tried to recall your jokes. This was our first dinner and we have already created a problem in following on from last night. Once again, thanks for a most enjoyable evening”

Larry Walls, Secretary, Lothian & Edinburgh Amateur FA

BMA Golf Society Dinner

“Thank you for being such excellent company on the night. Your speech was superb, well received and expertly delivered. I believe some of the lawyers in attendance are still using your Glasgow Police / FBI joke around the courts”

Dr Owen C McHugh, President.


John McKelvie The Morris, 4 The Fairways, Bothwell. G71 8PA

07881 984747
01698 854244

Contact Form

If you would prefer to contact me by email please complete the contact form below and I promise to contact you within 24 hours.

If not please do not hesitate on 07881984747 or 01698 854244

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